Dating or domestic abuse occurs when one partner uses different types of abusive behavior to gain POWER and CONTROL over the other partner.

Dating or domestic violence is a pattern of behavior that can include emotional/mental/verbal, financial, physical, sexual, and social abuse.

Abuse can happen to anyone! Teens and adults experience abuse in their relationships at the exact same rate! Dating abuse can happen to anyone, no matter their sexual orientation, gender identity, ethnicity, income level, educational and/or national background!

It is important for victims/survivors of abuse to find local resources like a domestic violence agency or counselor and to have trusted friends or family members who can keep their confidentiality and give them nonjudgmental support. When a victim/survivor of abuse is thinking about leaving their abusive relationship, it is best to ask for help. Leaving an abusive relationship can be dangerous, so if you or anyone you know is being abused, please contact a local domestic violence agency or counselor to help plan for safety. Check out our Solutions page to locate resources near you or call the National Teen Dating Violence Helpline at 1-866-331-9474 or 1-866-331-8543 TTY

Examples of Abusive Behavior

Emotional/Mental/Verbal

• Using put-downs, insults, name-calling, humiliation
• Threatening to harm or kill family, friends, a new partner, pets, etc.
• Threatening to commit suicide if a partner leaves
• Making threats like, “If you leave me I’ll … spread rumors about you, tell your parents we had sex”, etc.
• Blaming the person who is being abused for the abuse or for all the problems in the relationship
• Minimizing or denying abusive behavior, playing mind games
• Possessiveness and/or constant accusations of cheating

Physical Abuse

• Hitting, grabbing, pushing, shaking, restraining you physically etc.
• Intimidation (blocking exits/doors, hitting things or throwing objects at or near partner)
• Using or threatening to use weapons
• Stalking

Sexual Abuse

• Ignoring partner’s sexual choice(s) through pressure, manipulation, coercion (e.g. saying, “You’d do it if you loved me”)
• Rape: Forced penetration without consent (including use of intimidation, threats, weapons etc.)
• Sexual Assault: Forced sexual contact
• Sexual Harassment: Unwanted sexual attention

Financial Abuse

• Controlling all money, using money to threaten or manipulate
• Controlling possessions like: a car, phones, clothes, jewelry
• Excessive gift giving with strings attached, for example “I gave you this, now you owe me”
• Using gifts to make up for abusive behavior
• Sabotaging a partner’s work or school career, for example harassing a partner at work and causing them to get fired or refusing to give a partner a ride to work or school, etc.

Social Abuse

• Spreading rumors or using blackmail to control a partner’s actions
• Keeping a partner “in check” by monitoring their cell phone constantly or using friends to keep tabs on them
• Isolating a partner from her/his friends and family
• Using religion/culture to control partner